it’s profound. totally.


*i know, i know, i just posted yesterday. but i was in the mood to post something a little more cheeful, because i feel better today. and because i had a specifically blog-related conversation today. i was inspired 🙂  *

I haven’t talked much about my OU friends in this blog because it seemed like a weird thing. After all, no one from Waco knows them, and it just felt like that might be awkward. Today, though, I was studying with Taylor, and she mentioned that she reads this. Which is funny, because this blog is such a mess. But I mean, whatever. So I officially decided that it’s okay. And because I’m worried I might have scared some people yesterday, I thought I might tell you a little about the good things that exist here.

 They’re all people. A group who got thrown together through random numbering. I think at first we were all like “oh, yeah, this isn’t going to work.” because, well, we are all pretty different. But it’s working. Maybe it’s because we spend all day together, or maybe it’s more that…we just work. We can laugh at each other and roll our eyes and it’s okay. I’m used to being the snarky one in any given group, and I like that these folks hold their own. Not to mention the moments that I realize that deep down we are actually really similar. 

 Taylor wanted to say something profound that I could learn something from and write about. I rolled my eyes, because I’m not sure I’ve actually learned anything profound this summer. It’s been a lot of beating my head against the wall and trying not to hear the true things everyone was saying. But you already knew that.

 The most profound thing isn’t some magic bit of theology or advice or wisdom that suddenly fixed everything. Those moments mean a lot, and I need them, but I think maybe the mundane things are the ones that matter more. The moments when you get to sing off-key Taylor Swift on your birthday or you take a group nap on a really comfy couch or you develop the ability to read each others’ faces. There’s something completely profound about the fact that I have people in my life who know whether I slept last night or not (answer’s almost always not enough). It’s incredible to realize that six weeks of such little things can run together to turn people into a mosaic that just…makes sense.

Weddings and moving and friend drama and boys and Dr. Carter and really bad luck…It’s been an intense six weeks. But sometimes you end up laughing in a parking lot and in the same moment the words “yeah but we’re friends” leave your mouth you realize they’re true. You realize it because it matters to you when something happens to someone else, and you feel incredibly vindicated when they say the thing you wanted to say so badly. 

 I needed this. More than I can say I needed friends who wouldn’t ask me to have answers (well…okay. But anatomy answers are different). I needed something to hold onto, because a lot of days the faces start to blur and it’s impossible to imagine breaking into the waves of people and starting even a simple conversation.

 The thing last summer that was the hardest was the alone. Spending day after day alone. I remembered this on Friday when I was sitting on the couch trying to hold things together. And then, like magic, there were friends. There were people reminding me that there’s hope. There’s always hope. If that isn’t profound, I’m not sure what is. 


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